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A Governing Force vs. Self Government [Dec. 9th, 2006|10:45 am]
**Keep in mind this is the very roughest draft. Please try to ignore the composition it is crude and not up to par. If you manage to get your mind beyond that of the physical *words* it is put into and see the message I am trying to convey I would really appreciate some feedback.**

{And in any and the final event every person is a unique shade of grey but to each, grey is a different color. It’s all perspective anyhow.}

A Governing Force vs. Self Government: the Evolution of Spiritual Belief Systems to Common Standards of the Physical

After a certain amount of study and a great amount of independent/personal philosophical thought, I have come to draw ideas and theories about what is really in control over the way the world operates and what is simply a tool of the other. To elaborate we have on one hand the control man places over his fellow man, over himself. When contemplating this occurrence another concept comes to mind as well challenging, yet serving also as an equal, remarkably compatible phenomenon. The second being an equally celebrated belief in terms of the world’s governing, simply by a power beyond man’s physical grasp. Both are, in their own right widely accepted concepts. Each concept is similar in basics in that they are both easily divided in every way from purely conceptual views, strict views about the way they are gone about honoring, and even outright denial of the concepts. In order to show the parallels between their most common categories and the way in which one stemmed from the other I will begin by defining them both.
The first concept I will introduce by it’s basic foundation and it’s very reason for coming into being. This foundation, and initiator of man’s necessity for this concept is Law. Having law, though, is only the first step to looking into this widely accepted set of methods in which to enforce, said, law. The concept to which I’m eluding is even broken down into categories by the involvement it allows between the people of a given system and their laws. This is the way we have developed to control the rules, control each other, and at the very core, control ourselves. This manner in which we go about deciding how to run the world, is called politics. Politics in itself, has always meant to me the struggle that it itself represents by it’s very presence. In it’s true form it is entirely utilitarian, a manmade concept that is entirely reciprocal in that it is set up to govern man. Now the concept of politics, as I have experienced it, is slowly yet constantly evolving thing. While no government has managed to put it to use in a faultless manner there have been both good and bad governments displaying, through history, the political factors that prove successful and those that do not. It would seem, though that not every government works for every culture, country either in regard to the people or the state of the world at the time. With this idea in mind we see clearly why certain systems appeared as they did and with the right perspective and analyzation of our second belief system we can see how one could easily have sprouted from the other’s influence on major social beliefs.

The second concept is one that predates the concept of politics and government. It likewise is seen throughout history being a large influence of the way politics were viewed and the specifics of which were decided on. This to me proves that at it's most basic politics is simply the most evolved physical expression of spirituality but it is both flawed and positive in that it is self inflicted. Unlike it’s purely physical tangent,(ie politics) this concept has managed to transform quite dramatically in response to the human experience and what we as a people demanded from it as support through various periods in history. And somehow maintaining a loose set of consistent ideas, it has become unbelievable variations made to it’s representation utilization. Some practices and sub-systems of it, in certain regards, even resemble political systems in today’s times. There is one great difference though, in comparing the progression or spirituality (be it in religion or what have you) are the ever present principles prevailent in eventhe most slightly structured forms of it. This sense of continuity is not a supporting factor in believing that the groups stemming from it influenced politics when looking at the almost unrecognizeable differences certain forms of government have from one another. Spirituality is much more consistent in the framework of common laws when examining different belief systems. This applies whether it be the following of strict, (and so often diluted in the present times) set of religious guidelines, or even absolute internal connection with the forces of any number of varying systems that all seem to influence one towards commonly approved of moral codes.
In examining them in their entireties one sees easily the general likenesses between the two, where you really start to see the likenesses is in taking a look at the basics of major groups. While politics may seem stemmed off of the far older concept of spirituality, some of these comparisons show how the development of political interest played a big part in shaping certain spiritual practices, most commonly religion.
Here is a brief overview of how I see the two in closest relation to each other.
The three deepest connections are listed here:
1. Atheism/sincere political interest for the sake of politics.
2. Religion/slight political activism (ie interest for community sake)
3. Spirituality/political interest in interest of protecting conditions or invoking change
There are also some more obvious connections. They are often less likely cases:
1. Cults/Dictatorships
2. Being your own god/Anarchy

Now before I go on to present the dynamic of the three major parallel cases, I must explain the concept of small connection # 2 . In terms of pronouncing yourself god of your reality I have typically had it explained to me that you, in turn, accept everyone else as whatever they believe they are in theirs. This, like anarchy does not mean that there is no control and that there are no instances of the imposing of power on another. Rather than the physical sense of dog eat dog there is to anarchy, there is more of a mutual influence and a crossing of paths when coming from this spiritual stance. There is not to say that instances of cruelty and forced domination do not come about, it is bound to happen in such a situation. Usually though, from my experience with people of this belief, they tend to keep spirituality to themselves and are quite particular in how they govern themselves. This is a trait which, realistically would make anarchy quite an enticing option politically. Unfortunately due to parts of the carnal side of the human psyche there is too much competitive force for that political system to survive in more than small groups of people or people speckled throughout society simply carrying those beliefs. Now that I’ve prepared properly in the build up for my point, it’s time to make some of the definitely interesting points and connections I have developed and found in relating these pairs.
We’ll start at the top. The relationship, to me, between atheism and politics seems quite clear when it comes to human nature and obvious tendencies pointed out in patterns by history itself. It comes as no shock to me that man, when denying the existence of a greater force other than that simply displayed in the physical realm, would try to create something that could be relied on. It seems almost instinctual infact that man would create some sort of structure for himself. He creates a guiding force complete with consequences for behavior that is considered (in a democratic or voting society) to be against moral code. Here we find ourselves again staring at a code of standards which, even with the denial of a greater force to have set them there, are still followed (typically) in an effort to lead a life free of those self imposed consequences. It is possible even, that the need for this was in fact influenced by a greater force. Not necessarily what the atheist would refer to as a higher power but simply nature in general. The concepts of which could have been learned but, more likely I think, are instinctual regardless of whether there is spiritual belief there or not.
The step next in intensity has, over time, become much more similar to that of the way we see the independent soul of the atheist operating than it’s true root in spirituality. This next concept is religion. Organized religion, obviously, has some very similar traits to that of the strictly political approach to the moral code and beliefs, this was not, on the other hand, created to be such a mentally run physically based structure. Regardless of the various hierarchies (found in religions from those of Native American origin, to Catholicism) were developed for spiritual purposes based on beliefs in regard to relating to the higher power in most instances. Where we really start to see the change though is in historical periods such as the transition to and discovery of the New World. It was circumstances of political rulers being appointed hand in hand as the head of the church. Realizing the power in manipulating people based on spiritual beliefs began to surface and religion soon went from spirituality for the everyman (I am not of the belief that most people can handle spirituality for spirituality’s sake and need the cushion of structure to be comfortable) to a means of acting as tyrant under the title of King. In the society I live in there is not as much of a concern when it comes to one individual in control to that extent. The thing that I do see happening quite frequently on the other hand, is the abandonment of the basic values of one’s religion simply for the sake of behaving in a grotesquely closed minded way to those of other religions. This is quite like, in my opinion the lack of self control displayed between blind followers of a political party. This is the one point that truly shows the danger of labeling ourselves into groups. Not only does it divide us as people but for whatever reason the will, ability, the just plain excerscising ones individual mind seems to disappear in the shadow of being outnumbered.
Lastly, there is the domain of spirituality as a set of beliefs devoid of the easily manipulated structure of religion. In my beliefs this is an instance in which the individual has a unique idea of their higher power and a connected relationship with whatever power they happen to label that as. Religion, also can fall back under this category quite easily when you remove the group think aspect that can be so prevalent and maintain perspective on your personal reasons for adhering to that structure. This last category probably does not seem at all involved in the concept of politics without the dramatic debates of political involvement in spiritual freedom, but it does. When one leads an aware, spiritually healthy existence to the best of their ability the only aspect of politics that doesn’t fall close behind is the setting up of government. One will find, if they have the patience to act above human nature and primitive instinct that interrelations with other people become harmonious due to what seems to be the basic principles society promotes not just as a code of ethics but inspiration for quite a bit of law. Note in a standpoint purely from society’s perspective: if rules are followed things run smoothly. These concepts would not have become such a prominent part of our everyday lives if they contained no validity. In the same spirit, having an awareness of basic courtesy provides the same result. Simple person to person relationships are far less strained when we are simply conscious of our actions and the potential consequences they have for not only ourselves but those around us. This seems without being blatant to be the very same cause and effect concept that seems to drive man’s psychological need for the structure of these guidelines.
I hope that in some respect I was able to make some valid relations. Possibly invoke some thought, whether or not it is thought in agreement, though, does not concern me so much as the fact that you were compelled and that the thought is your own. In any regard, whether these were, unbeknownst to me, obvious relations or I was able to put a different perspective out there, that was my statement.
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Please Pray For Them [May. 15th, 2006|10:36 am]
Please pray for them....

Hopefully in a couple of months I will be able to take my mother to court for custody of my baby siblings. They do not deserve what they are going through and I cannot bear to see anyone doing again what I had to do s many years ago.

My mother is losing their place to live but after calling her yesterday to wish her a happy mother's day I fear that she is also losing her sanity again. Perhaps I will have to have her commited.... can I do this?

And I cry and I cry and I cry and I cry because I am only hoping that my 4 year old brother is okay. I just need to know he is being taken care of but of course getting someone sane on the phone when I call is kind of a problem. And now my mother thinks that Roxanne is possesed. Yes, this is much like the accusations she threw at me those years ago when I walked out.

But I should not have. A beating or no I should now have left those children. Especially Hayley who's mind only I can take the blame for warping so badly.

SO please, someone, help me... because I am so scared for these kids. They are my flesh and blood and I feel like I can do nothing to help them. Lord knows there's no helping my mother, except maybe to sedate her that she may coast through the nightmare her chemical imbalance has created for her. So if you cannot help me, please, pray for these kids.

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Text Only [Mar. 12th, 2006|03:44 pm]
Just joined today and I wanted to say hello!!!! How is everyone?
P.S. The "Insert" thing for adding pictures seems obviously pretty self explanatory but it never works when I use it, any suggestions???
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take it [Jan. 24th, 2006|01:35 am]
You scored 46% Experience, 63% Adventurousness, 64% Kinkyness, and 46% Corrupt!
You have definitly found your way to pleasure. You know what you like and continue to do it. Do not hesitate to continue to push your limits. Do not get stuck only doing what is comfortable. Sometimes we learn the most about ourselves when we push ourselves harder and further on the journey to self discovery.

Please remember to rank my test. Thank You

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You scored higher than 95% on Experience

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You scored higher than 95% on Corruption
Link: The Sexual Experimentation Test written by LadyLilithDreams on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
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Peach Seclusion [Jan. 14th, 2006|03:33 am]
Wrapped in your arms it's all I want. The world fades away and I fail to notice. Just us... and in you I find the world, no not our ordinary world but a world that I can explore forever. One that just goes on and on. No matter how close I get I cannot know the depth that is your soul. Your secrets are your way and I learn you all over again every day. There is an intimacy in the simple every gesture and in it I feel a safety I cannot fathom.

Thank you.
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(no subject) [Jan. 14th, 2006|01:38 am]
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So much for devotion [Jan. 3rd, 2006|02:26 am]
*sigh* I tried with Patrick. I really did. I just dont know that I could or should do it anymore. I've been told by everyone that I dont deserve this and I think I'm starting to think so too. I mean I've been told by NUMEROUS people NUMEROUS times that he's cheating on me and now he flat out does it right under my nose. On top of it, he's a violent drunk and the last time I saw him drunk it resulted in me having to just punch him in the jaw because he was being a belligerent fool.

ON TO THE SOLUTION: I'm moving out to Arizona for a while. I'm not going for like a month but I really am going. I've been offered a job, place to live and $ for the ticket out there. I cant pass this up.

At this point the only person who could convince me to stay is Mike, and I HATE to say that. I thought I'd been over it, I thought it had just been a little childhood thing. I grew up with mike. He was my childhood best friend's older brother and I'd had a crush on him since I was like 8. Finally about 5 years after all of us had really hung out. Kaitlin (my old best friend), Mike (her older brother) and I all went and partied for new years. Shortly after doing this I was SOOO not ready to go to bed so I asked to see if I could go hang out with either of them after the party. Kaitlin had to get up for church the next day so the obvious person was Mike.

This was perfect... and I was starting to get all giggly around him again. Basically we ended up lying in bed talking, staring at eachother and giggling all night until about... 8am when he turns and says "I really want to kiss you". WHAT?!?!! Wow I hadnt been so shocked since my mother told me she was pregnant. I guess that was exactly what the look on my face said because he quickly followed up with "is that way too weird?" HAHAHA YES!!! *sigh* I dont know what he was thinking and I CERTAINLY dont know what I was thinking but... basically after about 20 more minutes of staring and giggling at eachother I said "If you are going to kiss me just do it already" Haha, as if I had been waiting for him to do it all along.

So he did. And so I did, and there we were. And it *was* weird. Weird, surreal and strangely not what I had pictured yet everything I'd always wanted.

High school is a mess too. I'm WAY to preoccupied and lazy to do it. I dont want to, I dont need to, I dont think I will.

I work SO MUCH. I dont know why I cant consolidate all these days of short hours to few days with long hours.

THESE THINGS are exactly why I'm moving. That and half of all of my friends are just flakey bastards that dont deserve the title of friend. Aside from Martin (who I miss and love), Ian (who needs to stop being a bastard), and Nicole (who is the most awesome chick ever), I should have stuck with my santa barbara friends. This goes with the exception of blue and wonka in the la/arizona/florida areas. Alright, that's my semi-yearly rant about how much my life sucks and how I'm going to change it. Later
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Feel free to ask whatever you like. [Dec. 30th, 2005|12:07 am]
It's funny the way that things work. Sometimes it's almost horrible.

Alright well, I really dont know where to start so I guess I'll just spit it out: sometimes I think that things just shouldnt have taken place. If I had spent ten more minutes doing this, never gone there, or eaten before runnning out of the house this morning; would that few seconds, minute, or half hour have made the difference in what was to come?

And how do we cope with the things we never realized we'd lost to begin with?

OKAY OKAY! Now for the point.

I really dont think I should be with Patrick. I think I made some dire mistake and it was never supposed to happen. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I believe that everything happens for a reason but I really, truly do not believe that the sequence of events that took place the weeks including and following halloween came in the right order. That or something that was not supposed to take place did or vice versa.

I miss Chris. And it's horrible, because I really didnt know Chris, but things just seemed so... nice when we met and then he simply... disappeared.

Contrary to what most people think this was not boozehound. Though it was very easy to make it seem that way when Patrick and I got together because Boozehound and I had been sleeping together pretty regularily prior to the Patrick thing, he's 27 and his name is Chris.

Ironically the Chris that I miss is also 27 and was around in the week just prior to my meeting patrick.

I just feel like I'm missing something. Something that could have been. Like I was deprived of an opportunity that passed just that close. I mean shit, he was sweet, gentle, strong, polite and fun. He knew how to make me feel like I was everything I've ever wanted to be.

It's like Justin all over again. Since then I have heard two pieces of news on him. The first was a discussion that I had with Ian saying that Chris wanted to wait until I was 18 to start dating (and that he would wait for me) and that he had a necklace for me. And the second piece of news was from Badger saying that he'd seen him lately.

It's funny considering the day that Badger said that was the day I met Patrick. Ever since I met patrick he and I have been together. Granted, I love Patrick... I think. There's always that part of me that hates him because he's not Chris. I resent him because I feel like I have to make due with what I have and that Chris was taken away from me. God only knows what happened to Chris, and maybe someday he'll come back but damnit... I just dont know what to do. I feel as if the hand I've been dealt has been tampered with, but do I play it anyway and overcome or do I run and hide?

There really is only one person who has the power to give me any solace on this matter the only problem with it is that he is hopelessly practical and always right and I dont know if that is what I want to hear. I know I need to hear it, and I would certainly appreciate the wisdom behind it so I think I'll let him in on this. I'm just so.... lost on this. I just wish Chris would come back and that Patrick would disappear.

Chris is just such a good man. Damnit.
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blarg [Dec. 26th, 2005|11:38 am]
I hope everyone dies.
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first tattoo [Dec. 21st, 2005|05:24 am]
I'm getting my first tattoo on thursday
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